“For the first time ever, overweight people outweigh average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza!” – Jay Leno
Much of my life I have battled my weight. It’s kind of a taboo thing to talk about sometimes. If not taboo, then just plain shameful. But the truth is that over 67% of Americans are overweight or obese. I guess it’s something that should be easier to say out loud.
For many years I would make jokes about being overweight. It was just easier to face it that way. Often I’ve just made excuses.
- That BMI chart is just a suggestion… not reality.
- It’s a side effect of my medication.
- I’m too busy to go to the gym.
- I am beautiful just the way I am.
- My body type is just not meant to be “skinny”.
- I’m a foodie… and I simply like food too much.
There’s also my all time favorite…
It’s much easier to just make excuses than it is to take action.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have taken action plenty of times. I’m the master of fad diets, in fact. It usually just takes me about 30 days and then I smell those McDonald’s fries and we are done.
I have another post coming soon called “Confessions of a Fat Girl” (working title) that will discuss all the funny yet pathetic things that I’m sure I’m not the only fat girl is guilty of.
But today I’m here to discuss the “why and how” of bouncing in and out of the overweight and lately obese girl category. Not exactly the excuses, though there are plenty of those too, but the hard and revolting facts.
The Stupid Meds and Their Harmful Side Effects
I’ve been taking AEDs (anti-epilepsy drugs) since I was 7 years old. The fact is that the way many of these medications work in your body, they can also host a number of other issues and we are forced to weigh out the good and the bad. For most of my childhood and early adulthood I took Depakote, or valproic acid, which causes weight gain along with numerous other problems. In my early 20’s I took Topomax and I lost over 30 pounds in one month. Since then I’ve tried almost every AED out there and while most cause weight gain, a few cause weight loss. Others just cause vomiting and nausea which then lead to unhealthy weight loss. Here’s a snipet laying out some of the drugs and their weight impact.
What you see here, my friends, is the yo-yo effect. When you add those fad diets in that I discussed, all you get is a hot mess of a metabolism. What you also get, if you didn’t already experience it before, is depression.
Depression and Anxiety
I’ve been more vocal recently about my struggles with depression and anxiety. It’s actually very common for people with Epilepsy to experience one or both of these mental illnesses. Sometimes they can be situational, but more often they are chronic. There are more reasons out there that I could possibly list, but to name a few…
- Being isolated and labeled as “different” (and not in the cool way) can lead to major bouts of depression.
- So often, Epilepsy can lead to a sedentary lifestyle whether from the side effects of the medications or from the injuries from seizures or sometimes just the strapping fear that if you leave your bed then you’ll have a seizure in an unsafe place.
- There is the constant worry and fear that you never know when or where your next seizure will occur.
- Humiliating things happen sometimes when you have seizures. Sometimes you pee yourself. Sometimes people don’t understand why you jerk a lot and they make fun of you. Most of the time you feel completely out of control of your body and of your life and it makes you feel ashamed. All of these feelings lead to anxiety and depression.
I could go on and on but there’s no need to. The bottom line is that depression and anxiety are like the icing spread all over your big epilepsy cake. It’s typical to have it on top of there, but it’s difficult to get it all off. Only I’d much rather have Buttercream or Cream Cheese Frosting because this kind tastes pretty sour.
And when you struggle with this, it becomes a vicious cycle. You stop exercising and you eat too much because you’re depressed. And then you get more depressed when you see what you’ve done to yourself.
The Dangers of Exercise
A few years back I was going to the gym all the time. I was motivated to look and feel great. I showed up to every Zumba and Yoga class that I could fit into my schedule. One day I went to the gym per usual. I felt on top of the world when I entered the gym. I was going to shake some serious booty in that Zumba class and shed some more pounds. I remember going in the class. I recall getting my twerk on and getting a little sweaty. The next thing I knew was that I was being hauled out on a stretcher with everybody in the gym watching. My first question to the EMT was “Did I pee myself?”. I definitely did some shaking in that class, but it wasn’t the kind I expected. I maintained my gym membership there for over a year but I never went back. It could have been the humiliation that someone had to clean up my puddle of piss off of the floor. It may have been that I didn’t want people to ask me if I was ok because I just wanted to go unnoticed. Most likely it was the fear that it would happen again.
Overexertion and dehydration can trigger seizures. It is also known, though, that regular physical exercise can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress. So which outweighs the other? The answer should be the second. But the reality is that last year after convincing myself that I was brave enough to give it another try I paid $79 per month for 10 months and I walked into my gym once. Why? Because I was terrified it would happen again.
I absolutely love yoga, though I certainly am not as graceful as in the photo above nor have I ever tried yoga in the water amidst a beautiful sunrise. Last year I created a zen room in my home as a place I could relax and get a good workout and try to relieve stress.
I took at least 30 minutes of my day to spend time in that room whether I was meditating or practicing yoga. Then last July I was stretching my back on my yoga ball after working a 12 hour overnight shift at work and I had a seizure while on the yoga ball. I had already injured my shoulder 2 weeks prior when I had a seizure in the bathroom floor at work, but this time I tore my rotator cuff. I haven’t done yoga ever since.
LOVE this decal!
<a href="http://Large Om Symbol Wall Decal Sticker Buddha Absolute Brahman Hindu
Yoga is, by the way, a commonly recommended for of exercise and relaxation by doctors to patients with many ailments, but definitely those with epilepsy
An EXCELLENT read on small things you can do to relieve anxiety and depression.
At any rate, I am sick and tired (literally) of being a fatass and I have to find a way to stop letting these outside factors control my ability to be healthy. But God, I really want a cheeseburger.
“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” – Michael Jordan
A Few Additional Resources:
The Anxiety Workbook with Yoga Secrets
Starter Kit with ALL the Yoga Basics
Living the Epilepsy Life 