Meds and Side Effects

This has been my life for the last week. I feel exhausted. I go to bed. I toss and turn and think of the million reasons I just can’t sleep: I just can’t get comfortable; I can’t stop thinking about the many issues going on in my life; allllll the to-do lists; I continually look at the clock and calculate over and over how many hours of sleep I will get if I could only fall asleep just now; I develop this horrible fear that if I don’t go to sleep then I will inevitably have a seizure. The list goes on.

When I went to my neurologist last week to have my VNS turned up I talked to her about an increase in my seizures of late. Mostly my absence and myoclonic have increased pretty dramatically. We decided to increase one of my meds, Vimpat, to see if it would help. When I first started taking Vimpat a few months ago it was actually a big blessing to me. As we all know my seizures didn’t stop. BUT my side effects were so bad when I was taking the Zonegran that it just wasn’t an option for me anymore. I couldn’t function during the day AT ALL. Around noon everyday I would start feeling sick and exhausted and I would take a 3-4 hour nap. I was always weak. Everything I ate made my stomach hurt. We switched to Vimpat and I was just glad that my side effects weren’t THOSE so I wasn’t really concerned about any that I did have (except the excessive weight gain… that one was a bummer).

I don’t recall having insomnia when I first started taking it. I think that because I was finally staying awake all day that I was so tired at night that I slept regardless. This ever so slight increase has really jacked my sleep. No sleep = more seizures so I REALLY hope this settles out because otherwise increasing is counterproductive.

I know that my seizure increase has been triggered by incredibly high anxiety and stress levels. All this crap with my dad is stressing me out so much. Some days I’m ready to throw in the towel and say I just can’t do it anymore. Then I remember that he IS my dad and I have a responsibility. He was partially responsible for giving me life so I feel the obligation to protect his. I have to figure out a better balance because my health is important too. I preach this message to others constantly. It’s time I take my own advice.