Small Blessings

It seems that I went from posting once a day to being lucky if I fit one in a week. Let’s be real though… there’s only so much you can talk about before daily gets dull.

Today I actually want to share a bit of excitement. For those who don’t know, I’ve been on a medical leave of absence from work for one year and one month now. It has been really difficult for me to NOT go to work. I’ve work official jobs since I was 15 and it was completely out of necessity, but also out of sheer enjoyment. I worked long and hard hours and always had total dedication to the companies I worked for and the people I worked with. Not working was never an option. There were many times that I had health issues where I really had no business going to work, but I just never saw that as an option for so many reasons. My health got to a place that it was so bad, and situations with in my job were making it worse. I had to finally make the choice to take care of me.

At first I was having so many changes in my medications and so many struggles that I really didn’t think much about not being at work. Then I started finding myself really depressed. So much that I started taking medication to help with my depression. I had no desire to talk to anyone or see anyone, especially from work. Every time I thought I was going to be able to go back to work, there were more hindrances with my health and I just couldn’t. There is so more to say about my leave, but that’s not really the good news that I’m sharing today.

Also a different topic that takes a whole posting, but my husband hasn’t really worked in several years. This has caused some issues in our marriage and partly in our finances since to took my leave. I was still receiving 70% of my salary and we were living more frugally, but it was still rough in many ways. Recently, we have gotten a little brave and decided to try a few things.

On my end, after I had my surgery I began looking for alternate bands to wear with my VNS wrist magnet. No luck. I decided to make them and also see if there was a market out there to sell them. It took a bit of time and energy to build different prototypes that worked. I finally found a style that was a winner. I opened an Etsy shop, began selling on Amazon, and built a website. Trust me, I’m not making much money on these bands. My business is $142 in the hole right now because if “startup” costs. I make roughly $13 profit from every band I sell. I sell on average about 3 per week. But I get beyond excited every single time I get a notification that I sold a band! I get this sense of accomplishment that I haven’t felt in quite sometime. I have several ideas of how to better promote my small business when I am no longer in the negative. I really don’t think it will ever be something that I’ll make much money from at all. But it’s nice to have something that makes me feel good.

Click here to see some of my bands on Amazon.

Check out my Etsy shop here!

My business name is “Epilepsy Life” and Caty made a business logo for me. We are in the process of getting trademarks for both. She helps me make all the bands and it’s definitely something fun for us to do together!

In other news, Damion has been selling some of our cars to make money as well as to afford to buy Caty a car when she turned 16. We had a few that we had purchased that he has been working on fixing up that we always knew we would sell. He is REALLY passionate about working on cars and loves a good project. I convinced him to get his car dealer license so that he could go to auto auctions and buy cars for cheap and turn around and sell them for a profit. After much consideration and convincing from me, we finally decided to do it. There are a LOT of stipulations in GA when it comes to getting your license. I’ve been able to work through these things to overcome obstacles and we are working towards getting the business license. To get it you have to have a place to do business out of that has your visible business name outside of the building and a dedicated landline for the business. I found an office space for really cheap and also found a doctor’s office that is closing the office so I got office furniture for next to nothing $$.

“DC Motorsports”… a work in progress

It won’t be until mid or end September probably before we can finish all the things and get the license. It’s really exciting though and I am even more excited that he is really pumped up about something. He has been going through a serious bout of depression for several years. I love seeing him so energized about something.

A few cars we’ve turned recently

As with any business, it will be awhile before this business is lucrative. And hopefully it is. Either way, it’s exciting to see some good things happening despite the tough times among us. The nice thing about both of these small businesses is the flexibility. When bad days hit, it’s easy to just take a break and roll with it. I’m incredibly hopeful that things will work out. 💕

I Do Solemnly Swear… That I Will Drink More Water

A follow up from my doctor’s visit on Friday… we increased the intensity of my VNS from 1.75 to 2.0 which also increased my magnet intensity to 2.5 and my heart rate sensor to 1.875. We also increased the frequency from every 5 minutes to every 3. Just like every time that we increase, it takes my body time to adjust. My throat gets sore, it’s difficult to eat and drink, it hurts to swallow, and my voice gets all funny every time it goes off. Those symptoms get better after about a week or so. I know the drill. We talked about this headache that just won’t stop. She prescribed a steroid pack to see if it helps. She said that they have found that many patients with extreme postictal struggles get over them faster with the use of those. I’m willing to try anything right now. I see her again in two weeks. If it hasn’t helped then we will schedule some testing to ensure these last seizures didn’t cause brain damage. She also recommended that if I have a major seizure before then that I should go to the ER. That generally isn’t needed unless the seizures last more than 5 minutes or due to severe bodily harm because there’s not really anything they can do there. But considering the situation, she said I should go so that they can take more immediate action. I really hope the steroids work. So far they’ve just given me heartburn and tummy aches.

This last week it has occurred to me that I am not drinking nearly enough water. And by not nearly enough, I mostly mean almost none. I’ve made the commitment to a minimum of 64 oz per day, though I know I really need more. It’s a good place to start. When I am used to drinking water all the time, I really do feel so much better. It flush my body out and I lose a lot of those extra pounds I pack on when drinking extra calories. When I try drinking water again it becomes a nuisance because I seem to want flavor out of the things I drink. I have a infused pitcher to keep in my fridge with sliced fruit. I ordered another this morning along with a water bottle and recipe book. I’m thinking it may help me get on board with drinking water again.

Fruit Infused Water Book

Individual Water Bottles

Fruit Infused Water Pitcher

I’m excited for them to arrive!

It’s awesome being a mom!

This week has been really busy as we “do life” and I’ve been trying hard to do that thing I’m not so good at and lean on others around me for support. It’s hard to remember (or want to) that I can’t do it all anymore. I am lucky that I have those in my life that I can lean on. This week has been a busy one but I’ve been trying hard to keep it as stress free as possible.

Recovering from these last seizures has been quite the challenge. I suffered some serious battle wounds on my body and I spent most of my week in severe pain. My body is still healing from the scars and bruises, but my biggest struggle right now is my memory loss. I am struggling hardcore with my short term memory and it is really frustrating. I have also had a migraine style headache since last Wednesday that just won’t go away. I go to my neurologist tomorrow so I will see if an MRI is necessary to ensure I didn’t do any severe damage this time around.

This week has also been centered around Caty’s 16th birthday. I have no idea when she got so grown up, but this day was pretty special. I wasn’t sure what we were going to end up doing about a car for her. A few weeks ago we had a talk with her about not getting a car right now because there were definitely things around that she could drive since I’m not driving. This caused a lot of tears on her part that she was trying to hold back and watching that was so hard. Damion and I had some chats and we started searching. Caty ended up with not ONE car, but TWO. We found her a car the weekend before her bday that was an adorable BMW 323i convertible. It was a manual but we didn’t think teaching her would be a problem. We brought it home and she was oh so grateful… but we could tell she didn’t love it. Last weekend we came across a Jeep Liberty that was super cute and Caty size. She has been wanting a Jeep for the last year. We ended up sorting some things around and ended up with that one for her. It was definitely a more exciting option for her. She adores the Jeep and it definitely made her bday spectacular. She looks really cute in it too.

Her birthday was Sunday. Kind of last minute I began thinking that she really should have some sort of party. On Saturday I began throwing something together for her. She deserved to be celebrated.

Today was her first day of her Junior year of High School at her brand new school. Of course she was incredibly nervous. I think that other than a small round of crying in the bathroom during lunch, she enjoyed her day. She was full of energy when she got home and talked about her day for hours. By next week she should be totally fine.

Tomorrow I will go have a visit at the neurologist office. I am going to consult about this influx of seizures I am having and will also increase my signals on my VNS from every 5 to every 3 minutes. I think I’ll keep the level the same. It always takes my body a bit to get used to it every time we adjust so I don’t really want my body to go in shock.

This last week I also wrapped up my summer classes. I had to delay exams because of all of the seizures and injuries. I ended up the semester with disappointing grades which I know was a result of me not being able to remember anything before and during my exams. I ended up with an A in legal studies and managing organizations, an A- in business analysis 😩and a B in Finance 😩😩😩. I am glad to have several weeks of rest before I begin taking some classes in the Fall. I’ll use this time to continue to rest and heal.

Be well all. You deserve it!

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I seem to be on a once a week posting schedule now. Mostly because it’s been one of those times that I’ve needed a break from life. Admittedly, this is mostly because of my seizure abundance. I had one last week while going up a flight of stairs. Luckily I had not gone up very many and the stairs were rubber so mostly I just hurt my knees and my pride. Nonetheless, I still had not healed from my major seizure a few days before. Just when I thought I was getting better, I had 2 really horrific seizures in one day last Wednesday. This was the first time Caty has ever been right there with me during a seizure and I’m certain it traumatized her. I didn’t want her to ever have to experience that. To top it off, I got out of bed a bit after it was over and I passed out and went to the bathroom. I locked the door and I suppose I was going poop though I don’t recall anything about it. I only know that Damion had to bust the door open and I was essentially seizing everywhere and tore up a cabinet and my wall. The glorious moment was when my husband had to get me off of the floor where I was apparently sliding around in my own pee and poo. He had to wipe me, clean me up, get me in clean clothes, and clean my urine and feces from the bathroom floor. That’s exactly what I wanted my husband to think about when thinking of me. Needless to say, I’m no longer allowed to go potty with the door locked.

Often when this happens I go into a pretty deep stage of depression. That’s not part of my life that I really share very much about. I get depressed because I can’t just live a normal life. It upsets me that no matter what we try, there just doesn’t seem to be an answer. I just want my life and my body to be like they “should”, whatever that is. Maybe because I take so many pills to combat depression and anxiety, I have just been feeling numb to emotional hurt. This time it has presented itself in the way of anxiety. That’s not unusual, but I hate that I can’t just go a day where I don’t live in fear.

I should be embarrassed to admit this, but lately I feel little shame. In the last two weeks I have showered TWICE. I think about getting in the shower and I am terrified. I refuse to shower when I am home alone, which isn’t a new fear. But lately I am scared to get in the shower at all. I am beyond disgusting right now but I just can’t convince myself that it will be ok. I am scared to go to sleep at night because I am terrified I will have seizures all night in my sleep, but lack of sleep induces seizures as well so when I do fall asleep I am scared to get up. Being out in public terrifies me. I was taking MARTA places when I needed to but I am horrified to think it may happen in public in a place that I will get seriously injured or where people can’t or won’t help. Caty has been chauffeuring me anywhere I need to go and staying by my side. She starts back to school soon so I’ll have to figure out other solutions. I’m scared to deal with my dad right now because of the stress involved. My short term disability just ended and I have panic attacks thinking about what’s next because of the amount of seizures I was having at work or because of work. I haven’t cooked a meal in I don’t know when because I’m terrified I’ll cut myself or burn myself. It’s gotten bad. I know some of my fears aren’t unreasonable. But I also know that I can’t let this control my life more than it already does. I have to find a middle ground. I do take meds for my anxiety and panic attacks as well… it just hasn’t been effective enough lately to help control this. Or perhaps it has and it would just be so much worse without it?

On another note, I am clearly losing my mind. Like, literally. This used to happen quite a bit because of my medication and it’s still a little bad sometimes. Usually it’s just trying to find my words that I struggle with. I believe that my seizure these last weeks has caused some loss of brain function. It’s not abnormal for that to happen. It usually gets better. An example, one morning last week around 6 am apparently there was a horrible storm. Damion said that there was so much electricity in the sky that it looked like strobe lights. He closed things off as best he could because he said the lights were starting to be a trigger for me. He said we lost power and that I was awake and talking to him for quite awhile. He said I got up a few hours later and let the dogs out. I went back to bed and woke up around 1 pm. I didn’t feel right at all and I don’t remember any of those things happening this morning. It has been happening more and more frequently. I’m sure that with all this head smashing I have probably experienced a concussion or two and it’s common for frequent seizures to begin to demolish brain cells. I really hate to think of all the ways this is destroying my body and my well being.

Caty has been working on designing my logo for my small biz. There’s an updated version that I’m going to get trademarked. I thought I’d share the draft though. I’ve been selling about 4-5 bands per week without even trying between Etsy and Amazon. That really amounts to nothing but I get crazy excited when I get a notification that we’ve sold one! Hopefully soon I’ll start feeling a little better and I can focus a bit more energy on building Epilepsy Life up! Can’t wait to share some more updates soon ☺️

Pursuing Your Dreams

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” -Walt Disney

I have always been interested in having a small business of my own. I loved the idea of controlling my own business plan, having the ability to work from home or my own small shop if possible, and being able to set my own standards for the culture. Perhaps this was because my dad owned his own business and I got to help him out whenever I was with him that I had an interest. I never found a passion or the courage to jump that hurdle. I always knew I wanted a business where I could genuinely help others. I just didn’t know what that was.

I had read many motivational books and articles about entrepreneurship. I have worked in management positions for large corporations for the last 20 years. I had the skill set that I needed but I had no idea what I wanted to do.

I LOVE this book about how TOMS was founded!

Recently I took a Business Law class and it reminded me how interested I was in having a business of my own. I learned the ins and outs of the legal aspects of starting a business and it gave me the courage to explore this opportunity. I still had no idea what I wanted to do and I was constantly contemplating how I could follow my passion while helping others. I also found this to be important to consider because I’ve been out of work for the last year on a medical leave and my doctor doesn’t foresee me going back into that field of business until I can get control over my seizures.

“The Career Manifesto”… a great book about discovering your career path while doing things you love.

In April I had surgery to have a Vagus Nerve Stimulator (VNS) implanted that would one day HOPEFULLY help control my seizure activity. I was cautiously optimistic that this could be the beginning of a solution. With the VNS it is important that you keep a strong magnet handy to help manually control the device. It comes with two magnets… one that you can clip on and one that you can wear on your wrist. The wearable device comes with a plain black band that is pretty boring. I began looking online for different band options that I could change my band with. I came up with almost nothing. The ones that I did find were poorly made or I was not fond of the choices available.

The idea finally hit! I could make VNS bands for this market of people who were also looking for other options. I knew I couldn’t be the only one! Yes, this is a very limited market. No, I will not make much money (at all) on selling these bands. But it met my criteria… passion and helping others.

I began considering different options for the band and doing research on materials and ways to make them. I bought samples of many different items and built prototypes of different bands. I wore each one for a week at a time to see if they were durable, functional, and fit the design that I desired. After trying different prototypes I found the perfect design! I ordered a few other bands that I found online and discovered that the quality just wasn’t good and the bands were not as functional.

I have been working on a web site but until then I have begun selling on Amazon and Etsy. I got beyond excited when I made my first sale!!! I’m fully aware that I will barely make enough money on the bands to pay my power bill each month (if I’m lucky), but I enjoy doing it and it helps focus my energies on something positive.

Caty helps me make them. This also gives us time to spend together, which is so precious to me. I just feel happy that I’m following my dreams, even if it is on an incredibly small scale 😊.

Stop by my shop and check out my bands!

VNS 2 Month Anniversary

Three days from now will officially my mark 2 month anniversary of my VNS implant. That means I’ve had it turned on for 6 weeks and had it adjusted three times since. I have two big and not so beautiful keloid scars to remind me of this journey I’ve been on. I have this bizarre giant bruise on my chest that I hope isn’t permanent. And I have serious hope that this thing is going to work. A lot of people ask me how it’s working. I will have no idea for many more months because it’s not even remotely set to therapeutic levels yet. But I’m hanging on the the hope that one day I can celebrate being seizure free.

For anyone out there considering this surgery… or for anyone else wondering what this is like… here are my experiences so far broken down by the good and the bad.

The Good

• Healing time was considerably fast. The pain was manageable and the incisions closed fast. I mean… I did have my throat and my chest sliced open. Of course it sucked, but I really imagined that it would be worse.
• Outpatient surgery! I was in the hospital at 6 am and outta there 12 hours later. I really don’t dig hospitals so I was happy to have a short stay!
• People are always really fascinated to hear about this cool device in my body, and I’m always so excited to spread the word! I really wish I had known about this years ago and I think that there isn’t enough knowledge out there about it.
• You get special treatment through security lines. As soon as you tell them you have a magnet implanted in your body and show them your fancy medical card you get rushed through the line like a true VIP. They NEVER know exactly what it is that you have in there, but they know they don’t want to mess with it either way!
• I have something to believe in again… some kind of hope that things are going to get better. I haven’t had that kind of hope in a long time.

The Bad

• I scar easily and it’s not pretty. I could tell immediately that the incision on my neck was going to form a keloid. I could feel the tissue hardening as soon as the bandages came off. The one on my chest was looking really good at first and then it’s like it just stopped healing.
• Where the magnet is implanted in my chest I have begun getting this really intense bruise on my skin. At first I thought it was just part of the healing. Now I can not help but wonder if when I use my magnet over the device if the strength of the magnets together are causing this bruise. If so, I suppose I’ll just have it for life. My neurologist told me she had not ever really seen that happen to anyone, but I’m accustomed to being an anomaly.

• My VNS also has a heart rate sensor. Since your heart rate either dramatically increases or decreases during a seizure (depending on the type) then it automatically begins going off upon detection of a spike in heart rate. So this means that if you are exercising or doing anything causing a spike in your heart rate that it shoots the impulses and doesn’t really stop until you either manually stop it by holding your magnet over it or your heart rate goes down. Damion says he always knows when I’m mad because my voice starts changing a lot.
• As for the voice thing… it happens. It sort of sounds like talking through a fan when it goes off and your throat clenches up so you get short of breath when talking or doing anything. If I’m on the phone and talking to someone when it happens they’ll start to say “I can’t hear you… you’re breaking up”.
• It takes a LOT OF PATIENCE! This isn’t a miracle cure. It doesn’t work for everyone. After the surgery there’s a long way to go before getting the settings right and then it’s no guarantee you can come off of meds. You become besties with your doctors office if you weren’t already because you have to go in every two weeks for quite some time to get it adjusted. Every time it gets adjusted and gets stronger your throat hurts for days and it can be a little painful. You just have to be strong and be patient and know that it’s all for a good cause.

Even the “bad” isn’t actually so bad. Scarring and bruising? Yeah, that’s kind of been my life since I’ve been having the tonic clonic seizures so frequently. What’s a few more??? My dermatologist did give me a prescription for this badass gel, Recedo, to put on my scars. I just started using it this last week so we will see how it works!

The whole voice and breath thing… luckily for have learned how to use my magnet to my advantage. The wrist magnet can be swiped across your chest to make it send a signal if you need it to, like if you can sense a seizure onset or during a seizure a witness to the seizure can swipe it over to potentially stop or slow down the seizure. But… if you just hold the magnet there for an extended time it will temporarily turn your VNS off. I try to use mine accordingly so if I start running out of breath or if I’m talking to someone and it begins going off and becomes troublesome, I just use my wrist magnet to control it!

The wrist band that comes with the magnet is pretty boring so I started making my own. I then decided to open a little Etsy shop and sell on Amazon with the hope of helping others. I’ve sold a few bands so far. I’m not really making money on them but it makes me feel good to know I may make someone else happy with something simple. Caty and I make them in our own little workshop upstairs. It gives us our own special time together too.

These are the bands I am selling on Amazon. Lots of great prints and patterns! Makes wearing that chunky magnet more fun!

My Little Amazon Shop

Friend Outings and Doctor Praises

Last night some friends and I went to the movies to see Deadpool 2.  I truly love friend outings and I wish I felt like doing them more frequently and that our schedules jived more often.  I don’t really have a lot of friends but the ones in my life I have had for years.  They have been through the ups and the downs with me and love me no matter what.  That’s really important and when you find that in life you need to treasure it and hang on tight!

While I was at the movies I noticed that my VNS magnet was beginning to peel on the surface.  In several of my Epilepsy Support groups there have been questions about whether that was a sticker or a protective coating.  The answer my friends is…. that is for sure a protective coating and it should NOT be peeled off!  I did peel mine off because it was sticking out and being pretty annoying so I took it off.  Let me tell you – that thing was stuck on there with super glue or something and now my magnet looks pathetic!  It also doesn’t really feel as strong as it had before either but it is possible that is just my imagination.

My first step was to contact Cyberonics.  I went to their website and eventually found a support area that stated that if you have issues with your magnet that you should contact your doctor.  I sent an email directly to the Nurse Practitioner who has been programming my VNS and she answered me back in less than 2 minutes to let me know that she would have one ready for me when I come in for my appointment next week… no charge (which I would hope not since I have only had this for one month).  Regardless, I love my doctor’s office and how well they take care of me.  Any Atlanta folks out there – Emory Neurology:  Epilepsy Clinic.  They are wonderful!

This made me also think about stickers and how one could attach cool stickers to their magnet if they so chose to do so in order to customize their VNS experience.  I’m not really sure what stickers I would choose but it also reminded me to order some things from Amazon that I’ve had in my wish list for a bit that promote Epilepsy Awareness.  I have a few events coming up that I plan to use as an opportunity to fundraise as well as support awareness.  Starting May 26 I am doing a Summer Fitness Challenge with the Epilepsy Foundation. Not only can this help me personally but is also an opportunity to raise money for the Foundation.

Consider making a donation if you can or join the cause!https://epilepsyfoundation.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=widgets.300x250thermo&participantID=15012

I am also doing a Magnolia Run/Walk for Epilepsy if I feel up to it.  If not I will be there cheering on those who are able and will help spread awareness.  I am excited to try to spread the word in any way that I can!  Here are some of the awareness items I found to give to others:

Some pretty awesome wristbands.

Stickers – because they are more cost efficient and who doesn’t love stickers??

I dig this tee shirt

And this one for kids!

Make it a great day today!

Important Life Lesson… Take Your Meds!

The last few days have been pretty rough for me so I’ve been a little silent. I started having a series of bizarre things happening to my body and I couldn’t quite get a handle on it. I essentially stayed under the covers for 4 days and tried to sleep the symptoms away. Cuddling with my adorable and snuggly pups wasn’t so horrible though!

It started on Saturday with Myoclonic Seizures. Of any of my seizures, this is the kind I would generally rather have. Everybody experiences Myoclonus – ever had the hiccups or perhaps started to fall asleep and then your body jolted awake? Had that weird eye twitch thing going on? (I hate that!!!) Don’t worry, you weren’t having seizures but those would be examples of Myoclonus. It’s involuntary muscle shakes, jerks, or body spasms. When you have Myoclonic Seizures it feels very similar. It’s just that abnormal brain waves trigger muscle spasms or jolts in your body. Unlike my other kinds of seizures, these involve full awareness and consciousness (if you are awake, which you usually are). You know it’s happening, you just can’t control it. It’s not that big of a deal if it just happens every once in awhile. Mine started Saturday and happened all day with a few jerks an hour in my arms and legs. I was also having bizarre dreams all night that night and woke up feeling more exhausted than when I went to bed. Each day got progressively worse. By yesterday the jerks were happening constantly and I was at the point where my body was beyond exhaustion but I couldn’t sleep. When I could finally sleep, it was almost haunting to do so because I was having really strange dreams that would turn into dilutions. Last night I laid in bed until 4 am having seizure after seizure. My head hurt so bad and I became beyond aware of muscles in my face and other areas of my body that I realized I take for granted even exist. You know when it’s really quiet in a room and the smallest noise sounds so very loud? I suppose it was the same with all of the twitching and jerking – I just laid in bed and experienced them and my mind wouldn’t turn off.

While I was thinking about ALL the things to get my mind off the twitching, it occurred to me that last week I ran out of one of my medications. I had sent a request to my doctor’s office to refill it but they never did. I knew I didn’t fill my pill box with them because I set the bottle out when I ran out of them to remind myself to contact the office again. However, like many of my thoughts it quickly escaped me and I was just on auto pilot taking the pills in my am/pm box. There are SO many pills that I take that one missing easily goes unnoticed. This medication is also one that I originally started taking for my anxiety and panic attacks because my body became immune to Xanax. I began taking Klonopin instead for constant release of the drug where Xanax is more of an emergency fast action kind of drug. I was taking Klonopin for my severe anxiety, but it’s also an Anti-Convulsant drug. Apparently it was helping to control a lot of my Myoclonic Seizures because no longer having it in my body was causing them to come on with a vengeance.

“It’s fine to celebrate success but it is far more important to heed the lessons of failure.” – Bill Gates

I had a Neurologist appointment today to amp up on my VNS so I was able to have her refill my prescription so I could get back on it tonight. I very rarely ever read drug literature anymore because I have read so many. But today I read the papers that came with my prescription and it reminded me of the thing I definitely knew and hope will not happen again. Never just cold turkey stop taking these beastly meds because it causes serious problems. My seizures that wouldn’t stop, dreams that were turning into bizarre hallucinations, fever like symptoms, and other awesome things that were happening to me for the last 5 days quite likely could have been avoided.

On a solid and positive note, I do have some things to celebrate. I had my VNS adjusted today and I’m doing ok so far with the increase. Even the smallest adjustment made a big difference in the way my voice sounds and this feeling almost like something is lodged in my throat. That sounds really terrible actually, but it is far better than the side effects I have from all those ridiculous medications I poison my body with. We have a long way to go before we get it to the levels we want and I’ll probably seriously sound like a robot by then but I’m excited for the possibilities.

I am also very happy to announce that I have lost 7 pounds since last Friday!!! I do remember before when I was on a Keto diet that in the first month I lost a lot of weight before and then it began to balance and the weight loss was slower. I’m sure right now I’m getting rid of a lot of toxins and water weight. Either way, it’s definitely exciting to look at the scale and see positive results from the changes you’ve made. I wouldn’t be mad at losing a pound a day for a few months!

Tonight I hope to get some good sleep. After taking my meds I can definitely feel a decrease in these stupid jerking limbs. My plan for tomorrow is to wake up fully rested and plant some flowers in the hanging pots I bought for my front porch last week. I am ready for something bright and cheery!

Insurance Companies: My Love/Hate Relationship

Today I’m feeling a little more than frustrated with insurance companies. There are certainly positive things about insurance that we often take for granted. For instance, I just had a $72,000 surgery and not once did I have to make an insurance dispute and I wasn’t stuck indebted because I had to come up with that money to pay. My insurance took care of it and the process was beyond seamless. For those times I am incredibly grateful.

Today, however is not a day that I feel so grateful as much as really frustrated. I mentioned in a previous post that I haven’t worked since last July because I have been on a medical leave of absence. I had endured 6 Tonic Clonic seizures within a month and was having Myoclonic and Absence seizures all throughout the days. My Myoclonic seizures were going on constantly through the day and I was having hundreds of Absence seizures per day. I would say most if not all of these were due to extreme stress and lack of sleep. I lived with constant anxiety that another Tonic clonic was going to happen again only the next time I wouldn’t wake up. I was terrified that I was going to lose my job because I knew that my seizures were impacting my ability to do my job. One night after working an overnight shift and getting almost no sleep and while I was getting ready for work a few hours later I had a terrible seizure causing severe damage to my body. It was then that I called and filed for short term disability.

My body needed rest. It could no longer run on fumes and be expected to operate as normal. We needed to figure out a different mix of medications to control my seizures. I just finally admitted that I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt bad for the strain that I put on others at my job. I felt guilty for taking time for my body to heal. I felt judged because the things that I experienced everyday often went unnoticed until I fell out on the floor and then it became cause for concern. It’s difficult for others to understand.

After I went on short term disability my seizures and my pain levels got worse. My body rejected new medications and I experienced horrible side effects. My anxiety was out of control and I began experiencing extreme depression. The insurance company would approve my claim for six weeks at a time or less because they were not understanding the things I was going through. I had to appeal their decision to continue the coverage several times. Every time I would try to go back to work I would experience a TC seizure worse than the time before. Every time I would talk to my doctor about going back to work I would experience panic attacks, paralyzed by the fear. It’s so hard to explain how something like that feels. I became so alienated from people at work. Perhaps that was partially my fault, but I also felt that they didn’t understand why I wasn’t coming back to work.

But on with the insurance company… every single time they request information from my doctor they basically get the same information. Then they send it for medical evaluation. Then they have a neurologist contact my neurologist where they finally understand what’s going on. In the meantime I am not being paid. This generally takes about 4 weeks to get resolved and I finally get reimbursed but then about two weeks later I experience the whole shenanigans again. It is beyond frustrating. They bounce me around with different claims representatives constantly so that I never know who to contact. This last time that my doctor sent in information she made them aware of my surgery and recovery time. That was sent on a Monday and my surgery was Friday. They approved my claim for 2 days (random) and then wanted information from the surgeon. This man, mind you, is someone who is not at all my primary neurologist but a doctor that I would never see again if all went well. The representative called me two hours after my surgery to let me know he couldn’t get in touch with THE SURGEON and to let me know my claim could be denied. Seriously? This man is paid to cut open brains and all other things neurological. Not to sit on the phone with an insurance company. After they agreed to speak with a nurse in the office they finally approved my claim… for two weeks since that was my appointment to just have the device turned on.

“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance agent?” – Woody Allen

My doctor is still not releasing me since I am still having so many seizures and my VNS will not produce results for awhile. I also just started ANOTHER new medication which I am experiencing nasty side effects from. I had the insurance company fax over extension paperwork a week ago. Doc office didn’t get it. I called Monday and asked them to send it again. They allegedly sent it. Doc office office still didn’t get it. I asked them to email it to me. They wouldn’t. I asked to speak to my claim rep. He’s unavailable. Finally they agreed to fax again but also email directly to my doctor. Doc office still didn’t get either fax nor email. I called AGAIN today and they said they would put in a REQUEST to send again which could take 2-3 business days. They then reminded me that my paperwork is due Monday. WTF?!? I am yet again not being paid. I am yet again battling insurance. I will likely have to appeal and go through that process. I feel so stressed and tired of dealing with all of this. I feel certain that because I have an appointment every two weeks from now until we get this therapeutic levels where they legit put a wand next to my device, set it, and I’m done that we will probably have to to through this EVERY two weeks. I wish all this could just be normal and I could go back to work. 😩

Post-Op Follow Up and Other Fun Things

Today I had my post-op appointment to check the progress of my healing and my newly placed VNS. With traffic the hospital is about an hour away from my house so I really only like to make that trek if the appointment is productive. The last time I saw this NP for my pre-op appointment I was not impressed. I didn’t care for her bedside manner and she made me feel like I was a burden to her time. She also gave me a LOT of misinformation about my surgery and my healing process which went against everything my surgeon told me as well as everything I had read. Today during my appointment she was more worthless than the first time I saw her. She didn’t even look at my incisions. She came in and asked me if I had any fevers since the surgery, didn’t look at my surgical sites at all, and then said “ok you’re good to go. We will see you in 7-9 years when it’s time to change your battery”. I had a few questions for her regarding the scar on my neck as it has a few large lumps in it. She brushed off my questions and went on with her day. I spent more time in the waiting room than in my appointment. But the good news is that my wounds look so much better after only 2 1/2 weeks!

I have another appointment next week to get it adjusted again to the .5 setting. I’m interested to see the difference in how the device feels when it goes off.

I had a seizure yesterday. I don’t at all expect that my VNS will help control them for quite some time. I woke up feeling really tired and worn down. I assumed that it was from traveling. I slept for most of the day but it happened in my sleep. That’s not really unusual for my seizures. I just really hate when it happens because I feel horrible for the remainder of the day. I did feel fine this morning though.

I didn’t mention in my last few posts that our car got hit on Sunday. It really wasn’t that bad… more annoying than anything. A lady was pulling out of a parking space and we were right behind her. She didn’t look so she smashed right into the car. The passenger door won’t open and there is quite a bit of structural damage to the passenger side. Everybody was ok except I realized later that the seatbelt pushed into my incision areas and made them agitated. It’s really just a pain to deal with at this point.

I just went to the grocery store to stock my fridge and pantry with Keto friendly foods. I was planning to start back yesterday but after my seizure my daughter convinced me that Golden Oreos and Chips would make me feel better. I gave in to peer pressure. I will probably cook a non Keto dinner for my family tonight and tomorrow I will continue to get carbs out of my house and make meal plans. Then we will get back on the train on Friday. I’m really excited. It does take a lot of planning but I know it will help me in so many ways.

When I started the Keto way of eating the first time I was so overwhelmed by finding recipes that my family would want to eat. Here are a few resources and cookbooks that I found that were SUPER helpful!

Keto for Beginners… and it’s less than $7 on Amazon!

Crockpot Recipes for those Slow Cooker and Instant Pot lovers!

Cookbook for those on the go. Recipes with only 5 ingredients!

500 great Keto Recipes

Fat Bombs are Seriously THE BOMB. Recipes for great variety for these snacks to help get your fat intake up.

How it feels to TURN ME ON

Today was the magical day!  I got my Vagus Nerve Stimulator turned on.  Wait…. that title… of course I was referring to my VNS.  Get your mind out of the gutter!

I was really excited, and a little bit nervous, for my appointment.  I did a ton of research prior to getting my VNS and I knew about all of the possibilities when it was turned on.  I knew about the many things that people reported, but it’s not the same for everyone.  Even though I knew that it would likely impact my voice, I had no idea how it would actually feel or what the impact would be.

 

We went in for my appointment, and it was probably the fastest Doctor’s appointment I’ve ever had.  And for once I didn’t leave in tears!  Programming the device is so easy.  They simply just put a wand over your chest and then once the wand detects the device they can then use a program on an iPad to set the timing and frequency of the device.  That took like 30 seconds.  The longest part of the appointment was when we made small talk long enough for the device to go off 3 times to ensure I was going to be ok with it.  Mine is set currently at a really low entry level.  It goes off every 5 minutes for 30 seconds at a .25 frequency.  We will increase the levels and the increments every two weeks until we find a therapeutic level.

So how does it feel?  Really weird mostly.  When we were in the office I actually could barely tell the times that it went off.  My throat has been feeling rather swollen from the surgery and mostly I just felt tightening or pressure in my throat.  When we left and got in the car, I got out my magnet to make sure that it was working.  The magnet is what you swipe across your chest if you feel a seizure coming on or someone else can swipe it across if you are having a seizure and it will trigger the device to go off.  As soon as I swiped it across I must have had a look of sheer terror in my eyes because Damion and Caty looked really freaked out.  I was a little freaked out because as soon as I swiped it my whole throat began to close in.  I don’t actually think that I attempted to speak at that time as I was just too spooked.  After about 30 seconds the rope around my throat let go and I saw that everything was ok.  When I got home I did it again except that time I knew what to expect.  When I tried to speak during the “event” nothing would really come out. If I tried to speak even louder there was a tickle in my throat and my voice did this tiny little vibrato thing.  I wouldn’t call it raspy, I wouldn’t call it hoarse… I think I would just call it weird.

I look forward to seeing how this does.  It is certainly manageable right now as I can barely feel when it goes off when not provoked by the magnet.  Ideally we would like to get it to around 2.5-3 at 3 minute intervals for 1 minute each.  That can take quite awhile to get there.  I’m fine taking baby steps for something that could potentially change my life as I currently know it.

 For those wondering how I am healing, it is definitely getting much better!  The incision on my neck is understandably still quite swollen and isn’t healing as well as the one on my chest.  I am happy with the progress, however.  I looks WAY better than it did two weeks ago.  It feels actually like it’s been much longer than two weeks since I had my surgery!  I was really worried about scarring, so I’ve been doing my part to try to prevent them as much as I can.  A few things that have worked well for me….

COCONUT OIL!!! I use Coconut Oil for my skin, hair, and cooking. It worked wonders to help me get all the surgical glue off of my body and keeps my skin nourished so it can heal.

I love these SCAR AWAY SHEETS. I’ve used these quite a bit on other scars in the past too from skin cancer removal and they are great.

MEDERMA PM. I’ve used Mederma before as well and was quite pleased. I bought this PM version this time and it has been working well.

And finally, I haven’t tried this SCAR GEL but I have gotten some great recommendations from people who battle keloids. It’s in my Amazon wish list JUST IN CASE!

The Fine Art of Becoming a Fatass

“For the first time ever, overweight people outweigh average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza!” – Jay Leno

Much of my life I have battled my weight. It’s kind of a taboo thing to talk about sometimes. If not taboo, then just plain shameful. But the truth is that over 67% of Americans are overweight or obese. I guess it’s something that should be easier to say out loud.

For many years I would make jokes about being overweight. It was just easier to face it that way. Often I’ve just made excuses.

• That BMI chart is just a suggestion… not reality.
• It’s a side effect of my medication.
• I’m too busy to go to the gym.
• I am beautiful just the way I am.
• My body type is just not meant to be “skinny”.
• I’m a foodie… and I simply like food too much.

There’s also my all time favorite…

It’s much easier to just make excuses than it is to take action.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have taken action plenty of times. I’m the master of fad diets, in fact. It usually just takes me about 30 days and then I smell those McDonald’s fries and we are done.

I have another post coming soon called “Confessions of a Fat Girl” (working title) that will discuss all the funny yet pathetic things that I’m sure I’m not the only fat girl is guilty of.

But today I’m here to discuss the “why and how” of bouncing in and out of the overweight and lately obese girl category. Not exactly the excuses, though there are plenty of those too, but the hard and revolting facts.

The Stupid Meds and Their Harmful Side Effects

I’ve been taking AEDs (anti-epilepsy drugs) since I was 7 years old. The fact is that the way many of these medications work in your body, they can also host a number of other issues and we are forced to weigh out the good and the bad. For most of my childhood and early adulthood I took Depakote, or valproic acid, which causes weight gain along with numerous other problems. In my early 20’s I took Topomax and I lost over 30 pounds in one month. Since then I’ve tried almost every AED out there and while most cause weight gain, a few cause weight loss. Others just cause vomiting and nausea which then lead to unhealthy weight loss. Here’s a snipet laying out some of the drugs and their weight impact.

What you see here, my friends, is the yo-yo effect. When you add those fad diets in that I discussed, all you get is a hot mess of a metabolism. What you also get, if you didn’t already experience it before, is depression.

Depression and Anxiety

I’ve been more vocal recently about my struggles with depression and anxiety. It’s actually very common for people with Epilepsy to experience one or both of these mental illnesses. Sometimes they can be situational, but more often they are chronic. There are more reasons out there that I could possibly list, but to name a few…

• Being isolated and labeled as “different” (and not in the cool way) can lead to major bouts of depression.
• So often, Epilepsy can lead to a sedentary lifestyle whether from the side effects of the medications or from the injuries from seizures or sometimes just the strapping fear that if you leave your bed then you’ll have a seizure in an unsafe place.
• There is the constant worry and fear that you never know when or where your next seizure will occur.
• Humiliating things happen sometimes when you have seizures. Sometimes you pee yourself. Sometimes people don’t understand why you jerk a lot and they make fun of you. Most of the time you feel completely out of control of your body and of your life and it makes you feel ashamed. All of these feelings lead to anxiety and depression.

I could go on and on but there’s no need to. The bottom line is that depression and anxiety are like the icing spread all over your big epilepsy cake. It’s typical to have it on top of there, but it’s difficult to get it all off. Only I’d much rather have Buttercream or Cream Cheese Frosting because this kind tastes pretty sour.

And when you struggle with this, it becomes a vicious cycle. You stop exercising and you eat too much because you’re depressed. And then you get more depressed when you see what you’ve done to yourself.

The Dangers of Exercise

A few years back I was going to the gym all the time. I was motivated to look and feel great. I showed up to every Zumba and Yoga class that I could fit into my schedule. One day I went to the gym per usual. I felt on top of the world when I entered the gym. I was going to shake some serious booty in that Zumba class and shed some more pounds. I remember going in the class. I recall getting my twerk on and getting a little sweaty. The next thing I knew was that I was being hauled out on a stretcher with everybody in the gym watching. My first question to the EMT was “Did I pee myself?”. I definitely did some shaking in that class, but it wasn’t the kind I expected. I maintained my gym membership there for over a year but I never went back. It could have been the humiliation that someone had to clean up my puddle of piss off of the floor. It may have been that I didn’t want people to ask me if I was ok because I just wanted to go unnoticed. Most likely it was the fear that it would happen again.

Overexertion and dehydration can trigger seizures. It is also known, though, that regular physical exercise can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress. So which outweighs the other? The answer should be the second. But the reality is that last year after convincing myself that I was brave enough to give it another try I paid $79 per month for 10 months and I walked into my gym once. Why? Because I was terrified it would happen again.

I absolutely love yoga, though I certainly am not as graceful as in the photo above nor have I ever tried yoga in the water amidst a beautiful sunrise. Last year I created a zen room in my home as a place I could relax and get a good workout and try to relieve stress.

I took at least 30 minutes of my day to spend time in that room whether I was meditating or practicing yoga. Then last July I was stretching my back on my yoga ball after working a 12 hour overnight shift at work and I had a seizure while on the yoga ball. I had already injured my shoulder 2 weeks prior when I had a seizure in the bathroom floor at work, but this time I tore my rotator cuff. I haven’t done yoga ever since.

LOVE this decal!

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Yoga is, by the way, a commonly recommended for of exercise and relaxation by doctors to patients with many ailments, but definitely those with epilepsy

An EXCELLENT read on small things you can do to relieve anxiety and depression.

At any rate, I am sick and tired (literally) of being a fatass and I have to find a way to stop letting these outside factors control my ability to be healthy. But God, I really want a cheeseburger.

“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” – Michael Jordan

A Few Additional Resources:

The Anxiety Workbook with Yoga Secrets 

Starter Kit with ALL the Yoga Basics 

This Dr. David Burns is INCREDIBLE. We also use his books in our home for cognitive behavioral therapy for my daughter and they have worked wonders!

What Could You Buy For $71,000?

• Attend Harvard for one year (tuition, room and board, and an occasional night out in Boston)

• Buy a Tesla Model S

• Stay in a private, luxury villa in the countryside of South France for a week
• Head to Vegas and party like a rock star at the Palms Villa Resort and hope you’re a good gambler!

• Buy 2-3 kilos of Cocaine (I wouldn’t personally recommend this option)

• Build a tiny house in California

• Go on a 65 night all inclusive cruise for two traveling from Miami to Sydney with unlimited excursions

OR

• You could get in one of those awesome hospital gowns where your butt is exposed, spend 10 hours at the hospital where all you can eat is ice chips, get knocked out with anesthesia, and have a surgical device implanted in your body! BONUS: you get to leave with 2 giant incisions and just pray this procedure works!

I chose the last option. Some of those others would have been much more fun!

This patch is pretty awesome and only $4 on Amazon!

Recovery From VNS Surgery: The Road to Being a Badass

I’m going to take a break from telling the story of my past to update a little on my VNS.  I had my VNS surgery 4 days ago and so far everything is going well.  They sent me home with Percocet which was absolutely needed for the first day or two as I was in a lot of pain.  I’ve been taking it sparingly since… mostly at night so that the pain doesn’t wake me up or keep me from going to sleep.

I fully expected that my neck would hurt the most.  Something about having your neck sliced open just didn’t seem appealing.  It is actually the least painful of the two incisions.  I can almost turn my head left and right today without pain, though I still don’t have full mobility.

It was really only a day and a half after my surgery before I was able to eat solid foods.  I didn’t throw up like many patients do from the pain meds.  My throat was just sore from having a tube shoved down my throat I suppose.

My chest is the one that still hurts.  On a scale of 1-10 I would have to say that it’s mostly a 3.  I did opt to have natural child birth and I request no pain meds when I have work done at the dentist so I may not be the best gauge of pain.  My incisions are closed by both dissolvable sutures and dermabond (the fancy name for super glue for your skin).  I did something completely insane last night.  I started picking at the glue because it was irritating my skin.  My husband told me to stop picking but I just couldn’t.  I managed to pull most of the dermabond off of my chest.  After reading about it later, I became acutely aware that the glue is supposed to stay on for about 2-3 weeks and will eventually start peeling off.  It was a really stupid thing to do on my part but I just couldn’t stand the way it felt.  Now I have to get some sort of liquid bandage to replace what I tore off.  I didn’t appear to have opened my wound,.  That would have been really bad.  If you happen to be curious what it looks like when it comes off of your skin… it’s basically just like you would expect dried up glue to look like.

As for my healing wounds… it is kind of hard to truly tell what they look like because under the glue and the yuck there is still the marks that they used to ensure they were cutting in the right places and there is betadine under the glue.  You can see that my chest is quite bruised.  That’s likely because of the foreign object placed in my body there.  I would not encourage anybody to use these disgusting photos to determine if they should ever have this procedure done.  They won’t look like this after awhile.

I still have a week and a half before we turn the device on and right after that an appointment at the surgeon’s office to check the wounds and perhaps remove the glue (the correct way).  I will update with continued progress of my healing.

”You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.’” – Eleanor Roosevelt

I ordered this to see if it will serve as a replacement Dermabond!

VNS Surgery… the good, the bad, and the real ugly

I went in for my VNS Surgery yesterday and wanted to share my experiences. It was an outpatient surgery. We got there at 7 am and we were going home at 5 pm. The surgery itself didn’t take that long… that was all surgery prep, anesthesia, and then recovery from the anesthesia. The surgery itself was about an hour and a half. I had no complications with the surgery so overall I’d say that was a win! Anyone in or around Atlanta considering this surgery… I strongly recommend a Emory University Hospital. My epileptologist is so incredible and is part of the Emory Brain Center. The Neuroscience clinic was nothing short of fantastic and the hospital is wonderful.

It took me almost 3 hours to come out of the anesthesia and even after I was really out of it and in crazy pain for about an hour before they would let me go home. They gave me morphine in the recovery to help with that. Coming out of the surgery felt a LOT like the postictal state after a TC seizure. I was still pretty out of it coming home but started to regain full consciousness around 7 pm. They sent me home with three prescriptions… Percocet, something for nausea, and a stool softener because I guess the anesthesia makes you constipated? I filled only the Percocet last night and figured we would leave the others as needed. The Percocet was definitely needed ASAP!

I did a LOT of research for months going into my surgery so I feel like I was pretty prepared about what to expect afterword. Mostly I was on point. I was pretty terrified at the thought of my neck being sliced but I am a little surprised that it is the least painful area on my body. My chest hurts like a mofo. No morphine or Percocet has made that numb to the pain but I’m just glad I’m not experiencing how it would feel otherwise. I’m guessing that’s because that’s where the actual implant is. That site hurts a lot and is beginning to bruise really bad all around the incision. As for my neck, I just look like Frankenstein. The incision spot itself doesn’t really hurt but I can’t turn my head left or right very well and my throat is swollen and sore. That’s probably more because of the anesthesia tube put down there. My voice is hoarse but I expected that from the tube and because they sliced right by my vocal chords to get to the Vagus Nerve. It hurts to swallow so I had a Frosty and a Milkshake last night since I could just slide those down my throat. I should probably feel hungry and should try to get something in my stomach since I haven’t eaten since Thursday night but the thought of anything going down my throat seems painful. I’m also not hungry at all.

The good? I’m glad it went well with no complications. I’m glad that even though it hurts, it doesn’t feel miserable. But I am REALLY glad that I have people who love me and support me. Caty hasn’t left my side. She painted my nails today and we have been watching movies together and being so loving. That warms my heart. The ugly? Well… just look at the pic above. I think having slices like that makes me look kinda like a badass though, right? 😂

“You may not always have a comfortable life and you may not always be able to solve all the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.” -Michelle Obama

Under the Knife with VNS

In the past 10 years I have tried 12 different medications for my epilepsy. That doesn’t include the meds or therapies to counter the side effects of the anti-consultant drugs. Currently I take 4 meds for the seizures, 1 for the depression that commonly accompanies Epilepsy, 1 to control my anxiety and panic attacks that can trigger seizures, 1 to help me sleep at night because my meds cause insomnia, and the occasional CBD oil. That should control them, right? Nope. Recently my Epileptologist discussed VNS therapy with me. I had never even heard of it or researched anything about it because it involves surgery and I was always told that with my kind of Epilepsy that surgery isn’t an option.

What is VNS? It’s a Vagus Nerve Stimulator that works kind of like a Pacemaker but for your brain. It’s a magnetic device that is implanted in your chest and then a wire runs from the device up to your Vagus Nerve in your neck and wraps around it. Your Vagus Nerve serves to send signals from your brain to the rest of your body. The VNS sends a sort of shock wave from the device to your brain to regulate your brain waves and HOPEFULLY reduce your seizures. It’s programmed by your neurologist to go off at certain time frames and at a certain frequency. Everybody is different as far as the amount and how often that people need so like your meds it’s kind of a crapshoot where you keep adjusting until hopefully something works. It doesn’t work for everybody. Generally it doesn’t stop your seizures altogether but many people can at least reduce the amount of meds they take. There’s quite a bit more involved but that’s a VNS in a nutshell.

I decided to give it a try since I have almost exhausted my options with meds. My surgery is scheduled for this Friday morning and I feel both nervous and excited. I really won’t know if it is working for me for many months but I am cautiously optimistic. The surgery involves a slice in my chest and a slice in my neck and the implantation of the device. The riskiest part of the surgery is the potential of damaging the carotid or the vocal cords since they are so close to the Vagus Nerve. The implant will most likely alter my voice but cuts, wound healing, scars, and a change in my voice is so much better compared to what I go through right now.

I will be sure to update on the progress of my surgery and the VNS as well as record and post some videos. Fingers crossed!